Week 6 - WTF?

 These posts are becoming less and less about classes and more about my relationship to classes. 

(I guess that does make them about classes?) 

It's turned into journaling which is fine, it's my blog! :-) 

Hit another huge roadblock with theory this week. Had an assignment given out Monday and due today (Friday) that I had a question about. Teacher has Zoom office hours Tuesdays @ 5:00. This week I missed that so I asked questions in Slack, which he never did get back to me. So I did the assignment best I could with the understanding I had (or thought I had) and turned it in.  This caused me no end of anxiety the entire week culminating in a near PA last night. I'm doing / taking all the things I'm supposed to to deal with PA, but sometimes they get the best of me.

Worried that I am the slowest person in class. Which in and of itself might not be bad, after all it's about understanding the concepts, not how fast you do them. Right? Each class (M & F each week) we start out with analysis. He writes out 8-16 chords in a progression on the white board. 

We need to the following:

• Starting out working horizontally across the staff:
1. Copy the progression down
2. Analyze the progression (determine what key it's in and identify the chords with symbols. 
• In the key of C: a C Major 7 chord is analyzed with the Roman Numeral [I Maj7]. A G7 chord is [V7/I]. (You are not expected to understand this, apart from realizing this is a step that takes some time)
3. Identify and spell out the scales each of those chords uses within the analyzed key. 
• In the key of C:, C Major7 is analyzed as [I Maj7] & uses the C Lydian Scale, those are the series of pitches you can choose from to create voicings for a texture. A G7 chord, is analyzed as [V7/I] and uses the G Mixolydian Scale. etc. ad nauseam. (For further reference, in the Key of G: the same C Major 7 chord is analyzed as IV Major 7 and uses a C Lydian scale. Key matters!)
4. Create voicings of the given chord progression using pitches from the associated scales (you should know that scales have 7 pitches but not all of them are available to use in a chord, this also depends on the key and how the chord is used in that key.) 

(You can see how complicated this can become!)

• Now working vertically on the staff paper:
• Depending on which voicing system you are using, the rules are different (now even more complex.)
• Voicings can be anywhere from 2 to 7 pitches, however we limit ourselves to 4, 5, and 6 voices. 
• Create a vertical voicing that uses pitches from the correct scale, (BUT), not use the pitches you are supposed to avoid. (for reference, if sounded vertically, avoid notes destroy the nature (sound) of the chord and lead to a confusing progression.)

(VISUAL AID)

The little crosses are 'avoid' notes, the ones that if sounded vertically destroy the nature of the chord.

• Once you have created a voicing for one chord, you move on to the next chord.
• Here's the deal with that though, you can't just arbitrarily chose a note from each chord to use in the voicing, now we deal with 'voice leading' which prevents each voice (instrument) from jumping all over their range. You want each player's part to be smooth if possible, so, each voice needs to lead to the subsequent voice by as little movement as possible.

Long story short, all of this work takes time. For the first 5 weeks, I did alright finishing about the same time as everyone else. Lately, it's been taking me longer and longer each class to finish. Today I was barely finished with step 2 (above) when he asked who needed more time. WTF? I'm barely 1/2 way there. (living on a prayer! sorry, my train of thought derailed) 

My first thought was, "Am I really this slow? Is everybody really finished and I'm the slow cog in this machine?" To which I immediately answer, "Yes, you are and yes they are!" Now, I have no proof of this as nobody spoke up and said they needed more time, but from experience I know there are three students in class that were finished. One just came from a jazz program (notorious for their understanding of chords) and another I refer to as Hermione as he always knows the answer and is always the first finished. 

Reality could as easily be that those 3 are done and the rest of us are somewhere between starting and finishing.

So I'm stuck with wondering if I am really that slow compared to everyone else. As mentioned above, is that really the point? I understand the concepts, I just need more time to put them to practice. 

I am hoping to find an answer to that question over the weekend.

Week 5 - Midterms - Imposter Syndrome

I'm tired, so very tired. 

This week has been a struggle, not only learning new material, but also figuring out how to be a student again. Making and keeping a homework schedule, balancing school and trying to be husband and father all at the same time. So far it seems to be working.

I've been dealing with Imposter Syndrome quite a bit recently, my brain is trying to convince me this is a bad idea and that I would be much better off if I just got my job back. Apparently IS is common amongst non-traditional students and others making huge mid-life changes. My brother-in-law had some great advice for me, reminding me that I am where I am supposed to be and that age has nothing to do with anything. 

I have one exam in Film Music History left and I'm doing that today. I'm pretty happy with my grades, 5 A's and 1 B+ (89.75%, a quarter point shy of A-). I wanted to be hurt at first, then I decided that's not bad considering I haven't been in an academic setting for 25 years. I'll take it!

It's been a week of stress and breakthroughs, both academically and personally. The growth I experience in school is transferring directly to my personal life as well. Breakthrough is exhausting.

I was 'forced' to watch 'The Pink Panther' twice last week, it was torture but I survived. Watching this movie again with my new perception is like seeing it for the first time. One new thing I noticed is how Mancini used the lack of music to support the comedy. Peter sellers is a physical comedy genius, and does it all while playing the straight man as well. Edwards and Mancini new what they had in Sellers and instead of mucking up scenes with music, they let Sellers carry the comedic emotion on his own, ad it worked brilliantly. 

I'll be watching this week's movie, 'In old Blood', music by Quincy Jones, later today. I've never seen this movie, I'll need to watch it multiple times to catch everything I'm supposed to notice. Interesting note, the 1996 television remake was scored by my school's founder and director, Hummie Mann.

Week 5 - Redemption!

I was able to redo the assignment I bombed and got my grade back this morning, 23/24 A! Very relieved for the grade change, but even more so that I understand the concept. Because it was a redo, the grade was dropped a full letter to B, but I'll take a B over an F any day of the week and twice on Sunday!

Film Music History this week is The Pink Panther, score by Henry Mancini! 

Crazy studying for Midterms this week, big theory test on Friday, lots of memorizations and analyses. 

Maybe I'll get to sleep Friday night. :-) 

Also, Digital Performer officially crashes more than any application I've ever used. Zero stars, do not recommend.

Haven't had conducting for 2 weeks now, it seems to be the red-headed step child this semester. Too bad, I like conducting. I'll get to conduct a small string ensemble around Thanksgiving. Final semester I'l be in front of 55 professional musicians playing and recording music I freaking wrote! 

I have moments of doubt as time moves on; this adventure is thrilling, and terrifying, and uncertain. Today, however, I know I am right where I am supposed to be doing exactly what I am supposed to do, and that is comforting.

This feels good! 

Week 4 - Tuesday - Broken and Repaired

Woke up this morning to an unpleasant surprise. Opened last week's graded theory assignment which was handed in yesterday. I felt good about it, was sure I had this shit down cold. 

F - Excuse me? F - Really?  11 out of a possible 24. 

I stared at the corrections in red pencil, all over the paper. Has to be a mistake. Did I miss the concept? Was it the execution? Is my notation illegible? Must have me confused with another student.

Angry.

Humiliated. 

Humbled. 

So full of doubt, maybe I have bitten off more than I can chew.

For reference, the concept I tanked was mechanical voicings, I mentioned that in my last entry. I guess 4 hours of review was insufficient.

I immediately email the instructor: "Yeah, I obviously missed this concept. Can I get a tutoring session? What's your policy on redos?"  

His reply: "Relax. Every year 1/2 the class tanks this assignment. Your class is no exception, 5 of you understand, the other 5 don't. I'll meet with you today and go over it, I plan on letting the 5 of you resubmit a new assignment once you prove you understand the concept."

Whew! Dodged that bullet. What once was broken is now repaired. 

On the light side, after all of the structure and strictness of the last 3 weeks, I got to actually create music today! Something creative, my choice, within a minimum of guidelines.  Assignment was to setup a sequencing assignment in Digital Performer, set up tracks and instruments in a particular way, then write 2 minutes of music. Whatever you want, you can even just bang on the keyboard for 2 minutes, he's not grading on musical content, only if you can actually input music under his guidelines. That was fun!

Oh, last week's Film Music History movie was Vertigo, directed by Alfred Hitchcock music by Bernard Herrmann. Freaking awesome! I'm a big fan of Herrmann but this is my first Hitchcock film. I'm developing a serious affinity for these old films.

Music notation assignment is to input the first page of the score to Star Wars Main Title. I will enjoy that while we are using the notation program I am familiar with, next quarter it probably won't be as fun. 

Week 3 - Roadblock - My Brain is Full

The rubber met the road this week, it has been very trying. Tons of homework, I  mean, I knew there would be a lot of homework with this being not only a Masters program, but also an accelerated one to boot, but holy shit! 

The biggest usurper of time and energy is Film Music History. I love the class and the teacher is an old-school Hollywood film-type lady with tons of industry anecdotes. I'm being introduced to movies I never gave a second thought to. My previously 'narrow' view was that movies made before 1975 were just not as good as modern movies. Like it took Hollywood 80 years to figure out how to make something good.

That was the biggest eye-opener for me. In the last three weeks I've seen the original King Kong (Music by Max Steiner), The Adventures of Robin Hood (Music by Erich Wolfgang Korngold) and Sunset Boulevard (Music by Franz Waxman). 

I was seriously surprised at how good these films actually are. And the music! These scores are every bit as good as anything John Williams has ever produced! If you haven't seen these films, I can honesty recommend them now. :-)  

But the homework! Oi! Each week I have to do the following:

• Read 6-8 articles of 7-20 pages regarding the film and contain 1-5 film clips each
• Watch the film
• Answer 2-3 questions by posting on a chat board, then reply to at least 1 other post (Well thought out answers, not just "Yeah! I agree!")
• Then take a quiz
• Then watch a 'secondary' film without all the other stuff, just watch. It's like a vacation. 

At least there are no essays, I fucking hate essays!

This in addition to my other class loads has me in class 4 hours a day, then an additional 4-6 hours a day of just homework. I was never a 'good' student to begin with, but this shit is taxing! Thank Goddess the subject matter is at least enjoyable. This isn't really surprising to me, it's just that now I'm hip deep in it, it's exhausting. 

With my wife working a ridiculously early shift (4:00 AM) and my school load, we have about 30 minutes together at night. My daughter (Goddess bless her) gets herself up and waits for the bus all by herself. I get to see her about an hour a day. It's been a week since I've seen my son. The dogs on the other hand, they are always around. :-) 

It has been an emotional roller coaster to say the least. I go from "Wow! This is the greatest thing I've ever done!" to "There is no way I can do this." to "What ever made me think I was capable of such a thing." to "Meh, this isn't so bad." in the space of a few hours.

I had to reach out for music theory help for the first time in my life this week. I had a tutoring session with my teacher (tutoring is included in the cost of tuition so I can ask for as much as I want) and even to other music friends. I am learning stuff I never did as an undergrad, nor in the graduate-level theory / analysis classes I audited. 

This shit is hard, not un-understandable (is that a word?) but after 4 hours of theory on Fridays my head is full, I can't even make basic decisions like what to have for dinner or what time I should go to bed (which is constantly since I am wiped most of the time.)

The theory is getting serious, today in 2 hours we covered Delayed Dominant Tonic Resolution using 3 separate methods: The use of an Interpolated II-7, 2 different Dominant chords that both resolve to the same target chord, and, multiple II-Vs that lead to the same target chord. 

The second 1/2 of class was, chord progressions using mechanical voicing in close position, drop 2 voicing, drop 3 voicing, and drop 2+4 voicing. I don't expect any of that to make sense to you, but the comparison is that as an undergrad, those topics (taught at a basic level) took an entire semester. We 'reviewed' them in 4 hours. 

So after 3 weeks of a 40 week program, I am all out of theory stuff I know. 

I still love it, and learning is not bad, just exhausting. The week before Thanksgiving I will conduct and record my first score with an 20 piece string orchestra. I'm really looking forward to that.

There wasn't a lot of "this happened in class" stuff in this post, but I needed to word salad all this shit out.

Thanks for following along with this madness!

Dave